hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
