We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
