I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
