On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
