Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
