all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
