I am puke
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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