he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
