I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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