How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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