So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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