Dual....:-)
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
