My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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