he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
