I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He shit in the fireplace
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
