my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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