I'm pants shitting drunk right now
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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