Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
