Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Randomize
