no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
