My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
