So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
