Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Randomize
