and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
