I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
