Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
