You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
