when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
