Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
