Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
