lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
