I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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