This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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