Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
