Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
