Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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