I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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