We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize