if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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