I could have mohawked her pubes.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
