I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
