In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize