wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
In America we eat man semen.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
