I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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