Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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