3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
