My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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