he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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