All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
