last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i will never coherently bang her
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
