I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
