wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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