listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
