I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
