ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
