How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
