He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
