i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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