the day after is always just damage control
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
