So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
honey bunches of taint.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
