I'm gonna have a badass scar
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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