I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
