He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
40s are totally the cure
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
