My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I want to have your abortion
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
