We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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