we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
