Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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