it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
