Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
