If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
