Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
