i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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