I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Fuck appropriateness.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
This can only be settled by a dance off.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
